Start living Motivated:learned Experiences! 

#motivation 

2015 was the year of dim lights, no bright sun, no moon shine  to smile,  no one to talk and no place to hide. 

I feel pain is not something you can feel when you hurt yourself physically it is something inside ,deep inside,making you cracked,not healed, and you do not know where to apply the medicine. 

This is something Mentally ,emotionally pain and you destroyed,trapped by this.

From being happy go crazy human you get into the shell.

Shell, where darkness is high, 

Separation is high,

And you too stay high,

High, to just forget where you belong,

High,to just not feel where it hurts the most heart or soul ?

High,to just go too far that no one can find .

From career to relationship everything comes to an end and I was trying harder to get it all back,

Want everything to be my side, 

I am not someone who cry over things 

So I keep trying harder to make people and my life all together 

But I failed ,

I realised ,

             Stop chasing your dreams,

             Stop chasing people,

             You have just failed and it’s ok, 

              It’s ok to fail ,

And if you fail again ,

             Then you are on a way to win 

              May be later but definitely you     are going to win .

And being mentally tortured by someone’s love and left, not doing great with my life , I saw my mother fighting all the odds, killing all the negativity and investing a lot on my education and I realised I am not born to feel like this . 

          My mother never make me believe 

          In fairytales ,

         She never make be believe in easy 

       Things,

        She always told me ,

        I gave a birth to warrior,  who fight 

         Not to beat odds because she 

           Belongs to all even but not 

              Feel like a loser.

 

And I grab myself , pick all of my parts and fight again , 

It’s hard to forget things but not impossible to try again,

Again to fight, 

         Fight for yourself,

         Fight for being true ,

         Fight for being loyal ,

         Fight for being you,

You can climb mountains,paint a wall,dance in the rain,create history,run faster,be a coder,kill the disease,

You can do any damn thing 

And you will do anything but never ever doubt yourself for a moment ,

       If no one stand by your side,

Atleast  stand for your own self.

       If no one holding your hand,

Atleast hold your breath for a second and start again ,

        If no one loves you ,

Atleast start loving yourself so others can know how to love you right,

Now it’s been two years some pain and people are still there but there is nothing which let me down ,

And if you again feel like giving up ,

See those people who does not have the luxury like you have,

Some can’t see,some can’t say,some can’t walk,some can’t  write but they all leading their lives so well and inspiring the world .
Start living your life for once because you already wasted half of it by thinking what not to do 
Be happy, run, eat, adopt a hobby,sleep and start living

nidarnotesnowadays 

All is fair in love and war? 

All is fair in love and war?

I asked him every time  to get the answer belong to my heart .
sharp  thorns,

Crushed hearts,

Butterfly gathers when your name surrounds.

I asked myself whether to hold you again,

He come around and disbelief my way,

Happy messages,

Day-night calls,

Long walks,

Future discussed in a brighter dark,

Holding hands,

Deepened kisses,

The eyes opened and he vanished,

I again asked myself to hold him again,

Choking my self respect in a land of slave.

I opened my heart in a hope of getting smiles,

Eyes went swollen and soul got high,

Nights become darker, 

Feelings hollow , 

I gather myself again , 

Under the sun.

This time I asked myself to hold him again or get myself back, 

I won ,

Not his heart .

 Everything can’t be fair in love and war ,

Either someone else win or you with a happy half heart 

Sometime your heart, respect, soul got hurt chasing someone who can’t be yours ,

And sometime ,

Someone’s love is more darker than your loving them in a hope of getting them back !

Nidar

Reality

Whenever people say ‘I love you ‘ 
I always ask them why . 

Why. Not because I want to hear some sweet- sugary things but to really know why  and they always tell how beautiful I look, how shiny my eyes are and so on and again I ask them why and they continue with more strong stuff how much I care about them, understandable etc.. etc.. 

And again I ask them why?? 

I donot want their validation of how I look, how I behave, how I speak but I simply want to know what connects them with me, something beyond the attributes , beyond something which does not consider ‘why’ and that’s when they think I am Annoying, haha. 

People always see the things which you will show to them and they see nothing beyond that , if you show your rude, bossy and busy side they will accept it or you show them caring, loving and comfortable side they will accept it too. 

It’s all depend how you portray yourself but there comes a moment where people start making their own assumptions,  perceptions about you. 

I am a human and I can be anything,

I can’t be perfect ,

I can be good as well as bad,

I can be the moon as well as sun,

I can be light as well as hard,

I can be easy as well as complicated.

I am more like the days which can’t be same ,I too keep changing with time and experiences.

Then the important question comes:

-Do you see yourself as the world does? 

•World think a lot about you ,

They want to know what that scar is on your body , they want to know the story about it but does not want to know how you healed it.

•They want to know why you smiling and how you can smile even in tuff times but they do not want to know how badly you got hurt and cry while hiding.

•They want to know how much you love someone but they do not want to know do the other person love you too.

•They want to know each and every possible things about you but they  do not want to listen without judging you.

And there comes,

-Can you be who you know you are?

I don’t know who I am because everyday I am exploring myself.

Exploring in a way that I surprise myself too with some of my acts. 

I don’t care what people think about me even those people belong to me .

I am hard to get and easy to keep and that’s why I do not belong to anyone .

I respect every relationship in my life , I do care for people but I am not the one who go ga-ga about it.

I want to be as independent as my mother is , as hardworking ,poetic as my father is and as courageous as my brother is and I think I am developing these traits too. 

I don’t know who I am but I am more of real. 

I do not fake about things or around people. I do what I want to do , I show what I am, I give what I have and may be because of this I sometime lost, left behind or may be abandoned my some.

And in the world of hallucinations I am keeping it straight and simple for me because life is easy but people make it complicated !
Happy life!!

-nidarnotesnowadays

Fallen 

Is there something between us,

If it is then what it is ?

I fight with you,

I go messy around you,

I hate you ,

do you think ,

 Is there something between us,

If it is then what it is ?

I play with you,

I go -on dates with you ,

I disconnected myself with you,

Do you think,

Is there something between us,

If it is then what it is ?

I do make up on you,

I cook for you,

I sometimes done with you,

Do you think,

Is there something between us,

If it is then what it is ?

I pull your hair,

I shout at you ,

I cry with you ,

Do you think,

Is there something between us,

If it is then what it is ?

If you know the answer then tell me ,

What this unsaid story is about ?

Nidar

It’s all about me 

Do you think about yourself?

Do people talk about how selfish, self centered you are?

do not care about it, you love yourself and that is what we all are searching, 

Let them say whatever they want to say , learn from your experiences , live your days happily no matter whether things going right or not, 

I do not care about others what they are thinking and that is why I SURVIVE!

I  am not in contact with people to whom I loved at one point and now they have a special place in my heart, I moved on  from the career changes to relationships. 
I do not want to settle with anyone or do not want to settle for less, I know what I want from my life and I do not impose this on any one.  I make my own decisions and because of this I failed and lose people which I never wanted. 

But what I understood is people are not permanent , you will lose them one day.

But what next? 

Nothing. it’s just me and it always about me. Some people call it selfish but I love myself , I want to achieve things which other dont want or I expect something else from a relationship . 

People always ask me what you want in a relationship , freedom? Space? Independence? 

But all this i already have , a freedom to choose and to say what I want  from a person , 

if I ever wanted space then why I choose a person to be with or 

independence does not mean that a woman is taking all the decision and doing things on her own . I believe in equality , I don’t believe whether a woman or a man is higher than the other. 

I have my own ways to choose things and surely other people too.

 whether you are a woman or a man you do not have to settle for less. This is your life and you have to make the best of it . 

I never regret of  my decisions neither I complain about things ,all this is about me and I know how to make everything in place.

Live your life the way  you want to live, lead it with passion and desires , you can fail at many times but you know what next to do !
Happy living 

-nidarnotesnowadays

Be Motivated:Fight against depression-4 

Depression :something no one wants to talk about!

You are broken from inside and some cracks are not yet healed,

You are smiling but not laughing and there are times you miss the old you ,

You have failed everyday and must be wondering to stop living again,

You have seen death or someone just left you ,abandon you , betrayed you and you still thinking :I deserve an answer or a reason,

But I need to tell you ,

Yes YOU , 

You are STRONG,

Strong enough to pick yourself all again and  knowing that you failed thousand times but you TRYING,

Trying HARDER than anyone to get Yourself BACK,

Back from where you belong to.

You might have lost that shiny eyes,the beautiful smile or essence of love

But I need to tell you the UNIVERSE IS GIVING YOU A BIG HUG,

Yes , this is true and now it’s time to pat yourself  because you come out not as a winner but as a SURVIVOR from this storm.

Never stop yourself from growing,learning or never afraid from losing because we all are human and we can’t be perfect and 

    It is ok to win & perfect to lose

  

-nidarnotesnowadays

Fight against Depression -3

Depression : something no one wants to talk about!

Your days might be off like your mood,

You hardly care about your own feelings,

You are broken,  so we all are,

You disconnected yourself from everybody,

You fighting all this by yourself,

but I think you are BLESSED,

Blessed to have a heart of FORGETFULNESS, 

Blessed to SMILING all day hiding your pain,

Blessed to FIGHT again knowing all your fears,

You might have wish to sleep and never wake up again,

But your eyes want to see you SURVIVING through all odds,

You might be a victim of depression but remember you are NOT ALONE in this ,

There are  people who does not have the same STRENGTH as YOU have ,

There are people who are not a WARRIOR as YOU are,

There are people who are thankless for this life and body ,

But YOU are NOT. 

Yes, you know how IMPORTANT you are for YOURSELF, 

you know YOUR WORTH ,

You might have failed many times but each time you  stood up to LIVE again,

You are the BEST PERSON for yourself and never forget that because NOTHING CAN HURT YOU EXCEPT YOU , YOURSELF,

Stop hurting,Stop blaming yourself and START LIVING FOR ONCE!

nidarnotesnowadays

Fight against Depression -2

‘Depression :emotions deeply pressurised’ 

I give this meaning to the term depression. Many people have given meaning medically important and literature literate. But we need to understand the cause, how it become the highest found thing in human .

Today everybody from a child to an adult  are pressurised to perform . Perform to give good results . Results which bring best future . Future which is undefined.  

Lifestyle  of a kid or teenager :

6-6.30 am : wakes up 

7.30-8.00 am : school 

2.30-3.00 pm : reach home 

3.00-4.00 pm : lunch and get ready for tuition or other curricular activities and home work

6.00-9.00 pm: reach home or home work

9.00-10.30 pm: dinner 

11.00-12.00 : study or get back to sleep 

As a kid we have pressurised them to perform , this child also been into stress, anxiety and suffer . These all are the early signs which we have to look and throw them out from a child lifestyle. 

I know the competition is high why not give them a chance to explore their own minds and personalities once they experience their childhood. Why we always want them to correct everything? why we want to protect them ? Why we want to put things on them which we can’t do or have not done by ourselves. Why?

They do want to explore their minds, they do need to experience what the world, nature and surroundings are. 

At least lower down your expectations from them when you yourself have not met it by your own! 

Let them do what they want to do , at least for once and then you will get the best results of their choices and your expectations 

If we stop these anxiety, suffer,stress from childhood we can easily save an adult from depression !

– nidarnotesnowadays

Fight against Depression 

People are committing suicide on live streaming  and some are committing suicide  all hidden into their rooms the point is they both dealing with one thing that is  Depression. 

Depression becomes the largest found attribute in human in every 20 people 1 is committing suicide ( acc to research).

can we  not do anything? Are we that much helpless? I do not want to lose anybody from depression when I am right there for them , will you too think that? If yes, then fight for them, help the ones when they need your help, be their partner, motivate them, indulge them in new activities.

We have to stop treating depression as a disease ,

Let’s just fight for them, with them,against this depression! 

Nidarnotesnowadays