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Reality

Whenever people say ‘I love you ‘ 
I always ask them why . 

Why. Not because I want to hear some sweet- sugary things but to really know why  and they always tell how beautiful I look, how shiny my eyes are and so on and again I ask them why and they continue with more strong stuff how much I care about them, understandable etc.. etc.. 

And again I ask them why?? 

I donot want their validation of how I look, how I behave, how I speak but I simply want to know what connects them with me, something beyond the attributes , beyond something which does not consider ‘why’ and that’s when they think I am Annoying, haha. 

People always see the things which you will show to them and they see nothing beyond that , if you show your rude, bossy and busy side they will accept it or you show them caring, loving and comfortable side they will accept it too. 

It’s all depend how you portray yourself but there comes a moment where people start making their own assumptions,  perceptions about you. 

I am a human and I can be anything,

I can’t be perfect ,

I can be good as well as bad,

I can be the moon as well as sun,

I can be light as well as hard,

I can be easy as well as complicated.

I am more like the days which can’t be same ,I too keep changing with time and experiences.

Then the important question comes:

-Do you see yourself as the world does? 

•World think a lot about you ,

They want to know what that scar is on your body , they want to know the story about it but does not want to know how you healed it.

•They want to know why you smiling and how you can smile even in tuff times but they do not want to know how badly you got hurt and cry while hiding.

•They want to know how much you love someone but they do not want to know do the other person love you too.

•They want to know each and every possible things about you but they  do not want to listen without judging you.

And there comes,

-Can you be who you know you are?

I don’t know who I am because everyday I am exploring myself.

Exploring in a way that I surprise myself too with some of my acts. 

I don’t care what people think about me even those people belong to me .

I am hard to get and easy to keep and that’s why I do not belong to anyone .

I respect every relationship in my life , I do care for people but I am not the one who go ga-ga about it.

I want to be as independent as my mother is , as hardworking ,poetic as my father is and as courageous as my brother is and I think I am developing these traits too. 

I don’t know who I am but I am more of real. 

I do not fake about things or around people. I do what I want to do , I show what I am, I give what I have and may be because of this I sometime lost, left behind or may be abandoned my some.

And in the world of hallucinations I am keeping it straight and simple for me because life is easy but people make it complicated !
Happy life!!

-nidarnotesnowadays

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